Art: The Root and Solution to Anxiety

Ever have that feeling that when you create something, you lose all track of time, your surroundings, and even yourself because you found your groove and can't stop?  It's a wonderful feeling, and at least you get a sense of production and satisfaction when you're done.  

I see this as therapeutic - I feel a sense of release of a feeling, emotion, or thought that had been bottled up.  And this is applicable to ANYTHING, from my art to my work at Google; from my errands to my chores.  But at the same time, it's also a source of my anxiety.  Quite a dilemma, as the root AND solution to my anxiety is my art.

It's a bit obvious why my art is a solution to my anxiety, but it can also be the root cause of why I stay up at night.  I work on a piece, and I never see it as perfect.  I always change things.  I step away "satisfied" only to return to it and realize it's not exactly how I want it.   And I'm constantly thinking about how to make it better and better.  When I finally do, I feel satisfied with myself and the piece right at that moment.  But then my verdict on it changes...sometimes immediately, sometimes years later.  And it sometimes brings about feelings of self-doubt, where I question my abilities and aptitude.  I even curse the Muses from time to time for leaving me in a state of discontentment and artist's block.

However, I had to step back and change my perspective of why I feel terrible after changing my verdict of my work ... and myself.  

If you're like me, where perfectionism is both my strength and disorder, you can find comfort in the fact that wanting to change your artwork and "never being satisfied" is a healthy thing - it's a sign that you are yearning to improve and constantly work on getting better.  

Contentment is the enemy of progress.

While contentment is the supreme virtue, I also believe that it's my landmark for quitting.  I no longer have to go further in my trajectory because I feel fine with where I am.  This is pretty rare, especially with my work and my art, because when I do quit, I tend to regress.  I lose familiarity and skill sets.  I become out-of-practice.  So partly, constant drive and non-quitting is out of fear of losing my skills.  And from this, I also find comfort and relief that staying in-touch with my skills and thus my work and art keeps me fresh.  

So never give up ... always find flaws in your work and don't stay satisfied.  Your self-doubt and anxiety doesn't mean that you're not good enough - it just means that you're on to something.

Enjoy creating!